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Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk...
• "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
• "This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in that time management course you sent me."
• "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!"
First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that’s vanity? Second girl: No, it’s imagination.
I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I've found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what...
Sign in a restaurant: "We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone."
Sign in restaurant window: "Eat now - Pay waiter."
Some things that make you go hmmm....
A young catfish lived, like all catfish, on the bottom of the pond. But one day, for a change, it swam to the surface. It happened that a cat was looking into the water. So the tiny catfish, very impressed, swam down again quickly. It called to its mother, "Quick, quick. I have seen God."
A man and a woman wanted to buy a flat. The agent took them to a cheap flat to look. They did not like it very much.
The woman said, "It is important to know - is it insulated?"
"Yes" said a voice from the flat above them, "But the insulation doesn't work."
Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes.
Question: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
How do you tickle a rich girl?
Say, “Gucci Gucci Gucci!”
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.