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Laugh at a Joke! / LifeUP
A young catfish lived, like all catfish, on the bottom of the pond. But one day, for a change, it swam to the surface. It happened that a cat was looking into the water. So the tiny catfish, very impressed, swam down again quickly.
It called to its mother, "Quick, quick. I have seen God."
• • •
In a violent city, a wife whose husband had been unfaithful, visited her lawyer.
"I want to divorce him," she said.
"That is easy, madam," replied the lawyer. "Give me 500 dollars to begin work."
"Five hundred dollars?" She was amazed. "I have changed my mind. I can arrange his execution for less money."
• • •
Mary went to a restaurant and asked for a job as a waitress.
"Do you have any references?" asked the owner.
"I worked for five years in a famous restaurant."
"Can you prove it?"
"Easily. I can show you one of the many spoons that I stole from them."
• • •
One night at sea, there was a thick fog. The captain of a boat noticed lights approaching. He assumed it was another ship. To avoid a collision, he called through his megaphone,
"You must change course ten degrees south."
The answer came back, "No. You must change course ten degrees north."
Annoyed, he shouted, "I'm a captain. I order you to change course ten degrees south.
The answer was, "I'm a lighthouse-keeper. I order you to change course ten degrees north."
• • •
A husband called a plumber to mend a leak. His wife watched the plumber at work. Then she said discreetly to her husband on his return home,
"I do not think that plumber is very competent."
"As soon as he entered the kitchen, he put on a lifebelt."
Продолжение читайте в журнале English4U №3 (март 2011) на который можно подписаться или купить здесь.