Why don't blondes like to breastfeed their babies?

It hurts to boil their nipples!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.

A blonde decides she wants to go ice fishing. So she goes to the library and reads and researches ice fishing. Then she goes to the sporting goods store and buys everything she needs.

Then she finally thinks she is ready so she goes out to the ice and starts drilling a hole. Suddenly she hears a voice from up above. It says: "There are no fish under the ice."

So she decides to go farther down on the ice. She starts drilling and she hears the voice again: "There are no fish under the ice."

So she packs up her things and moves down the ice again. She starts drilling and she hears the voice again, "There are no fish under the ice."

"Is that you Lord?" she says.

"No," says the voice, "I'm the manager of the ice hockey rink."

A blonde goes to an office party and wins a thermos.
The blonde asks a co-worker, "What does it do?" He says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.
The next day the blond goes to work after filling her thermos with ice cream and tea.

A blonde wearing a headset walks into a barbershop and says he wants his hair dyed brown.

The barber asks him to take off the headphones. The blonde refuses, but the barber dyes it anyway.

The blonde falls asleep so the barber takes the headphones off and continues dying his hair.

Two minutes later he's shocked to find the blonde is dead. The barber puts on the headphones and there's a voice repeating, "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out."

There was a blonde, a brunette and a red head. They were all sitting in a hair salon talking about their daughters.

The brunette says,"I was lookin throuh my daughter's purse and I found a pack of cigarettes! Do you believe that my daughter smokes!!

So then the redhead says, "Oh my gosh, I was looking through my daughter's purse and i found alcohol! Do you believe she's been drinking!!

So then the blond says "I was looking through my daughter's purse and I found a condom! Do you believe my daughter has a penis?!"

A blonde goes into a music store and asks the guy who works there where the country music CD's are.
The salesman replies, "Try the other side."
So the blonde moves to his other ear and says, "Where are the country music CD's?"

A blonde was out on a date.
Her date said you have something on your cheek. So she wiped it off. 
Then her date said, "No, the other side."
So she reached into her mouth and wiped the other side.