Great Witticisms / LifeUP

Stupidity

• Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
• If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
• I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
• All men are idiots ... I married their king.
• Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.
• Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

 Life

• I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
• Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.
• Life’s a buffet... so eat me!
• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Cat

• Missing your cat? Try looking under my tires.
• I love cats ... dead ones
• I love cats ... they taste just like chicken
• A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.
• Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.

Ponderings

• Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
• We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
• Born free... taxed to death.
• Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
• The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• If, a two letter word for futility.
• I don’t care, I don’t have to.
• The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
• Earth first...we’ll mine the other planets later.
• Don’t hit me. My lawyer’s in jail.
• If something goes without saying, LET IT!
• If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
• Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.
• Hard work has a future payoff, laziness pays off now.

 Продолжение читайте в журнале English4U №9 (сентябрь 2010) на который можно подписаться или купить.